Note to Self - Post 1 - Am I Worthy of Love?

Just a disclaimer before you start reading: This is unfiltered (no profanity or derogatory words but some of the topics/words may make certain people uncomfortable)

Also the mispronunciation of social media platforms is 100% on purpose, thanks!

When I was thinking about what I should call a series for podcasting and blogging I was sitting in a coffee shop with a good friend of mine pitching the idea of We The Steeple. I was also in a season of accursed writers block, depression, and a just totally lack of care to be alive. I was talking with my friend about all this after pitching the idea to them. I'm pretty sure I will never forget the smirk on their face as they looked up and said this simple line "write out the answer to a question that you're younger self had or that you still have". Now you might be thinking "oh that's easy... you could do that in ten seconds". Yeah I thought so too... but my brain being my brain decided to bring back every question and doubt that I had had in my entire life. Yet, that's not what stumped me... I found one specific question that I had struggled with for years upon years never seeing a end in sight to this nerve racking, soul eating, and depression causing question.

Am I Worthy of Love? This was the question that had outran my ability to answer it. Lets talk about statistics right quick, aight? In 2022, there was a research study done on teenagers and social media. 95% of teens are on Youtube, 67% are on Tiktok, 62% are on Instagram, and 59% are on Snapchat. Now you maybe wondering why Im bring this up... well. This was only including teens not people under the age of 13, but lets stop and think about this for a second. Most of these teens also reported feeling: More anxious, lonely, depressed, and worse about themselves after scrolling through social media. Now as someone who does marketing these numbers are amazing (well the ones about how many are on which) because this means that there's a large audience ripe for the taking... but that also means there's a large audience ready to believe anything to feel accepted.

My mentor once told me: "when you boil in down, guys want to be respected and girls want to be loved". At first this didn't make sense to me until i started doing the research for this post you're reading right now. It checks out though, Girls when your scrolling through your instasnaps (heheh I had to) or Tweeter and you see this model/actress/singer/or just another social media user such as your self, what does you're brain do 95% of the time? It goes "oh... she's... beautiful..." but you harp on this, and look you can say whatcha want but ik this for a fact and it becomes a unhealthy obsession to change your body. Hence why belly tucks, implants, and lift surgeries exist. Now Guy's you haven't escaped my post either... what do you do when you're scrolling through Tic Tac or Snippy Snappy? You're doing one of two things... looking to see if a girls cute or seeing what other guys are doing to make a attempt to be the cool guy. You can try to say im wrong... but im not. We as a society have make-up adds telling young girls that they're only beautiful under 12lbs of make-up or telling young guys that the only way to be cool is to either have one of two types of a 12 pack or be dating the hottest girl around until another comes along. And we wonder why our stats arent good when it comes to teenage suicide, teenage pregnancies, depression and anxiety.

First off let me say this: I don't care who you are or what you've done you are worthy of someones love. Yet, if you don't know you're asking this question to yourself lemme give you a few questions to ask yourself. (disclaimer: Im not a therapist Im only stating things as to my experience with this so I could be dead wrong but... maybe not)

1, "is my motivation to please others out driving my motivation to take care of myself?". Mark Twain once said this "a man cannot be comfortable without his own approval". Think about this for a second, some of the most supportive and helpful people in this world are also the loneliest. I firmly believe that some of the happiest people in y'all's friend groups may also be the person thats hurting the worst, oh how do I know i hear you asking... well I was that person.

2, "does doubt paralyze me?". People that don't believe that they are worthy to be loved will constantly doubt what they are thinking, feeling, or doing. Also their fear of not being right is a recurrent theme throughout their everyday life, to a point that it can drive them into anxiety attacks on a daily basis

3, "am I afraid to ask anything of anybody?". People that don't have a good self worth are majorly afraid of being a inconvenience to anybody else and will most likely try to do it themselves or go without instead of asking or demanding anything of anyone that could even cause a sigh from the person that's being requested of.

4, "Do people know how I feel?". People in this state of mind will constantly hide their feelings in a deep fear of being judged or made fun of. They give very very little attention/care to what they are feeling and are afraid of others knowing what they are feeling as seeing it as a sign of weakness. In my experience they (me) would almost always apologize upon crying or showing what they really felt because their facade was broken and people had to see that they (me) were broken and hurting.

5, "do I overvalue people that offer me attention?". People who don't see their self worth will connect deeply with anyone that offers them even a small conversation because it makes them feel important. 55% of teenagers have willingly offered personal information to strangers on social media because they made them feel special. (theres another whole topic that I could go into here but i must resist my ADD urges).

If you cant answer these questions with wholehearted answers then, my friend you may be in the state I was in. Yet, you are worthy of love, we're proud of you, and if you need to chat about it I got you! If you can answer them wholeheartedly... congrats you have something I didn't. Yet, you are worthy of love, we're proud of you, and if you need to chat about it I got you!

Anyways... im not sorry for the long post, as I hope it helps someone. I am sorry if it seems to jump around I have ADD and its hard to focus sometimes. But if you liked it you can share it on Fay-boo, Inste-gran, En-na-cha, Tih Toh, or Tweeter (I had to do it)

-J.C. Bridgewater

Owner, Producer, and Artist with We The Steeple