The Every-Other-Day Bloggo - 3/2/21

Blog #36

Good Afternoon, Folkies.

Daily Quote: “I’m a big fan of brains. Too bad not everyone has one.” Uh-huh-uh-huh-uh-huh. Most people I know don’t have them. And I’m guessing you, dear reader, don’t have one. Cuz if you did, why would you waste your time reading this nonsensical literature when you could be WORKING ON SCHOOL! WORKING ON THAT ESSAY THAT YOU’VE PUT OFF FOR THE PAST WEEK! Oh… that’s me not you, whoops.

Useless Fact: Actually, this is today’s useless fact; The fact is that the book full of useless facts that I was getting these pointless things from is, uh, how shall I say, *POOF*, and I don’t feel like looking up some on Google. 😁 So the fact is, there is no fact. #FeelsSuperGenius

What’s up With Me: Well, I was bored yesterday, so I wrote this, stuck it in an email to my sis, and decided to share it with y’all. (I’m so good at sharing) so, voila! Here’s the blog, with the log. (Cuz when you take the Bee off the Log, you get stung! Oh mannnnn, that was lame)

This is the Personal Log of Inspector Canfield, Private E.Y.E.:

Log #1:

Hello log. (For viewer clarification, this log isn’t an oversized piece of bark. This log is like a digital diary, recording all the important events in my cases.) I just finished what could be the most important undertaking of my career. My mission: Make a survey. My subject was villainous, ruthless, and altogether something no one wants to do: Laundry.

I interviewed several willing(ish) participants who said the following things:

My Interview with Liz:

Me: Hello, ma’am, I’d like to ask you a few questions.

Liz: I DIDN’T DO IT!!!!!!!!!

Me: Chill. I’m not in the police force yet. I just want to know how you feel about doing your laundry.

Liz: Oh. I hate it.

Me: Don’t we all?

My Interview with Josephine Phillipson:

Me: I’m taking a survey, could I use you as a willing subject.

Jo: Ugh, fiiiine. You can do it for as long as it takes for my nails to dry.

Me: I feel so privileged. How do you feel about folding your clothes?

Jo: I don’t fold my clothes! What do I look like, an underprivileged self-servant? No, my father hires a personal maid for me, he can afford to do that. We can also afford a butler, chamber maid, gardener, personal chef…

Me: LISTEN HONEY I DIDN’T ASK FOR YOUR NET WORTH!!!!!!!!!!

My Interview with My Little Brother:

Me: Hey Billy, can I interview you?

Billy: Suuuuure, anything to help out my dear sister. Of course, how much will I be paid for this information?

Me: Not one red cent, kiddo. But if you wanna live till morning you'll answer these questions.

Billy: Ok, fire away.

Me: How do you feel about laundry?

Billy: *faints*

As you can see, I was successful in proving my point: LAUNDRY SHOULD BE OUTLAWED IMMEDIATELY.

Love,

(Hold it hold it hold it, “love”? Disgusting.)

(Ooookay, um,)

Your Friend,

(Who am I writing to, my pen pal? NO.)

(How bout I just do,)

-Inspector Canfield

(Good idea)

(I always have good ideas.)

Oh wow that’s long. I better end with a prayer challenge and wrap this one up.

Prayer Challenge: Pray for a missionary you know.

Before I sign off, I should ask... WHERE WERE YOU ON THE THIRTY-SIXTH OF JANUARY IN 2017????

January doesn’t have a “thirty-sixth,” genius.

Whoops.

Oooookay, bye folkies!